Personas
by maevebeatrixkinsella
Summary: Excerpt: His eyes shot open, and he hurriedly got off his little bed. Another crashing and breaking sound was heard followed by a string of curses...This is actually a psychological story and this is my first one! suggestions are widely accepted! :  RxR!


_Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find plot in it will be shot._

_-Mark Twain_

**Personas**

The abbey had been his home for the past three years until a couple adopted him was only three weeks old when the nuns found him on the doorsteps of the abbey. He was named Natsume; his hair was silken black, eyes were beaming and crimson framed by long lashes, his lips were pink and his skin was rubicund. The nuns instantly knew that this little child would be a cheery and optimistic boy. When the couple arrived and asked for Natsume, The nuns had their qualms about the adoption, but after the couple put up a very sweet and believable act, the nuns gave in. It was only after 2 years that Natsume was brought back to the hair was rugged, eyes were bloodshot and dull, and his lips which used to be pink were now purple. He was also pallid and bruised. The couple was arguing when they drove the little boy to the old abbey, and he was sobbing quietly at the backseat. Natsume was unable to talk for a whole week.

* * *

><p>A year after…<p>

It was a cold and gloomy day when a woman in black pencil dress rapped against the wooden door. Her cheeks were well pronounced and her glossy black hair cascaded down her back, but there was something odd about her; a sad frown lingered on her face which was shored up by her gloomy crimson eyes. Natsume followed her quietly around the abbey, as the nuns led her to the office. The last time he saw a non-habit wearing adult was when one of the foundlings was adopted six months ago. He was only seven and he was already hoping that no one would adopt him ever again. He tried to listen to the conversation of the adults inside but all he could hear was hushed voices. He decided to leave them and instead, boss or scare the other kids at the backyard.

The children were playing several games. There were children playing tag, ball games and role-playing games. Natsume wasn't one to participate in activities as such; he was only there to ruin their spirits. After his adoption to the miserable couple, he always tried to make bad records so he wouldn't be fit for adoption. He became impish and he kept on mocking the other kids. When the nuns would scold him, he would stand up for himself and would sometimes answer back. He became very assertive of his thoughts, no matter how childish they were.

Natsume approached a group of kids playing house. A little girl of his age was acting 'mother', two five-year old girls were daughters, and a five-year old boy was the son. He pulled a plastic chair and watched the kids play, pondering if what should he do to destroy their cheery aura.

_Crash! His eyes shot open, and he hurriedly got off his little bed. Another crashing and breaking sound was heard followed by a string of curses. He was aware that his foster parents were having another big fight. In the morning, he will be bruised as well. After the fight, his father would come up the stairs and leave his mother behind. His mother meanwhile would grab anything near her and lunge it at the man, but she would always miss him by a meter. The object would fly directly to where Natsume hid and pieces of broken marble or glass would bruise him and because of fear, he'd wet himself. His father would then notice the wet puddle and would start unbuckling his belt, ready to whip the little boy…_

Natsume shook his head at the memory and walked over to the acting 'mother'. He pulled her long auburn locks and told her that she was stupid, ugly and fat and she will never get adopted and eventually die and rot at abbey. The little girl broke into tears and wailed; he turned to the remaining members of the 'family' and told them that they would meet the same fate as the little auburn girl. He left the crying group of kids and made his way to his seat, silently watching the other kids play.

"Natsume?"

He ignored the voice, and continued watching the other kids. One of the nuns tapped his shoulder and told him to meet his new mother, Natalie. The statement caught his attention and he glared at the woman.

"I told you before, I'm not Natsume. Natsume's gone. Leave me alone." The boy hissed at the nun, he stood up and left the adults. Why was the woman asking for him? What did he do that caught her attention? He did all he could to ruin his record with the nuns, and he even answers back. He must've done something wrong, but what? It puzzled him.

A week after, he found himself in a big house; Natalie, after his attempts at revoking the adoption, still adopted him. He was toured around the house by another woman who introduced herself as maid Maria. It turns out that his adopter mother has a daughter named Aoi and she's only five years old. The little girl asked him if he could play with her, and he reluctantly agreed.

"So…what's your name?" Aoi asked as she gave him a small teacup filled with milk. He was struck at how friendly the little girl was and accepted him wholeheartedly. He pondered on whether or not to let _Natsume _take control and feel friendship again. _No._ He heard his own voice say.

"I'm Hatsume." He answered. It was the first time someone asked for his name. The nuns would insist that he's being childish when he tells them that his name was never Natsume, and he should be called Hatsume instead. He was indeed a child but he thinks maturely, he knew what kids shouldn't and should do. He knew exactly what will happen to kids who do things against the rules of their parents. He was after all, from a miserable foster family.

"Well Hatsume, I'm Aoi!" the little girl said and beamed at him. The exact smile her mother gave him at the abbey's backyard when the nuns introduced him to the woman. He shouldn't be drinking a cup of warm milk with that woman's daughter. The woman must've planned to hurt him like his former mother.

"You're my brother, aren't you?" Aoi asked, her eyes were round like a doe's eye. It was hard to ignore those eyes because it only showed sincerity and innocence, unlike his. He nodded and told her that he still needs to finish his short tour around the house and he needs to go to the restroom.

"Maria? Where's mommy? Isn't she welcoming Hatsume home?" Aoi asked as she turned to the maid. Maria shook her head and told the little girl that her mom will arrive later in the evening. Aoi insisted that her mommy should be here with her to welcome Hatsume.

Later that night, Hatsume was welcomed warmly by the family, and he finally met his new foster father, Hitsomori. The family was pretty lively and he doubted himself being there, around those kinds of people. He wasn't the type to be cheery; he was like the complete opposite of Natsume. The kids around him were all chasing each other, playing tag in a party. A part of him was happy to be accepted, but the whole being of him was confused, angry and scared of what was and what might happen.

When his new adopted parents enrolled him to school, he was considered there as a delinquent. Always wanting and looking for trouble. His roguish ways didn't change until one day, a group of high school boys made fun of him. The next day, he was already being stalked and the following day, he found himself bruised and his body ached a lot. It was too much for a kid his age, he just wanted to die.

* * *

><p>Eight years later…<p>

Three knocks and a name follows, he doesn't even know the name yet he responds to it. He hates the attention; it only makes him jittery and a little in doubt. He hates being alive; he wanted to die because life is so miserable and unfair.

"Hatsume, wake up! You still need to prepare for school, and it's already 7:30!" Maria called out, he pondered on telling her that he won't be coming to school.

Another series of knocks and a threat followed. It was only school, why does he need to be threatened just to attend it? He won't be able to remember half the things discussed in school when he's already working anyway. Another threat which involves breaking the door follows. It's already a routine: at 7:30 in the morning Maria would knock, threaten, and threaten some more until he finally opens the door and go downstairs to the dining room.

He sighed. _Might as well put an end to those threats_, he thought and made his way off the bed and out of his room. Maria was staring at him when he went out of the room; he sighed again and turned to her.

"Stop staring. It's annoying me." His voice was callous and not even a drip of emotion was there. A shiver ran down Maria's spine. She can't believe that a fifteen-year old could be this scary. She wondered what happened in school that made him like this. She was always one to notice the mood shifts of Hatsume or when he would just stare out at the open. His parents were always out working: business meetings and conventions out town and what not. She even noticed when he said that he can't remember his past. She knew what he meant by it. He didn't want to remember anything in his past because it did something to him. She wondered how the boy came to want to be called by a different name rather than his real name, Natsume. Eight years ago, her employer told her that the little boy's name was Natsume, but when Aoi was talking to him, he introduced himself as Hatsume. Maybe his real name was Natsume Hatsume? She didn't dare to ask.

When he arrived in school, the students, and even the school staff just stared at him. He can't remember anything about when he started school here, but he did wonder how he was able to pass the entrance examination when he didn't even have any recollection of learning anything in the past years. Fate is being cruel to him. He preferred to be called Natsu rather than Hatsume. He didn't even know who Hatsume was. In class, he would seat at the far corner of the room—near the window or the door. He didn't like being called by the teacher nor did he like talking to other people. He hated everyone in the school for thinking weird things about him. But he hated them even more when they talk about him.

"Look, it's the weird loner boy…" he heard a guy say, the statement was followed by a series of giggles from the girls. He ignored them and continued walking. '_Teenage life sucks._' He thought, as he took a turn on a hallway which leads to his next classroom.

When he approached the room, he sensed that the room was awfully quiet. He checked his schedule just to be sure that he was in the correct building. Upon entering the room, he was able to confirm that the room was indeed empty. He looked at the chalkboard and there saw messy handwriting which said that Literature with Mr. Narumi was moved to room 317 at the Northern building. He sighed in defeat; he hated the kinds of teachers who moved their classrooms to the opposite building at the last minute.

_Leave._

He heard a voice say, he turned around to check if someone was in the room other than him. No one was there, was he hallucinating again? He hated hearing things and getting so confused and bothered by it.

He heard loud running footsteps approaching the room. It must be one of his classmates in Literature running late like him.

"Sorry I'm…late? Where's everyone?" a girl with auburn locks asked, turning to him. He motioned to the chalkboard. The girl glared at it as if it had done horrible things to her. He silently left the room with the girl following him closely.

"Stop following me." He said coldly. Another thing he hated was being followed. Did he ever mention that he hated attention?

"I'm not following you. It just so happens that we're going to the same place." She answered briskly. Both of them stayed silent for the rest of their way to the other side of the campus.

When they entered the class, the class was already settled and they were asked to introduce themselves. He suddenly didn't know what name to say. Should he go for Hatsume - the person he was always mistaken for? Or Natsume - his host and persona he was protecting?

_Natsume._

The voice was back again. He hated the way the voice startled him. He hated how the other teens were staring at him right now. It's like they were digging holes into his soul. This was also the reason why he hated the first day of classes. He just wanted to fade in the background. He closed his eyes and thought of nothing but darkness.

"Uhh...Natsu…Natsume." He finally said, does this mean that Natsume had finally mustered the guts to face the world? The girl he was with introduced herself cheerfully as "Mikan" and she added that she was very pleased to be in the class.

_No. Natsume only wants to hear his name again._

"Get lost!" Natsume yelled, his eyes were still shut and he was clenching his fists tightly. The whole class was surprised at his sudden outburst. Mikan cleared her throat and nudged him lightly; he stood frozen in front of them and didn't even budge when Mikan nudged him. After several minutes, he opened his eyes and was startled by the brightness of the room.

"Where am I?"

From then on, everyone thought he was crazy.

"Why, you're in my Literature class, Natsume…"

He remembered seeing himself walk into the same room. He was acting really strange; it was like he just woke up from a coma. He looked around him and the faces registered in his mind. The girl beside him cleared her throat.

"You're weird." She mumbled, as she made her way to an empty seat on the second row from the back of the room.

"I'm sorry." Was all he could say, and he made his way out of the room. It was weird. Maybe the girl was right. He looked around the hallway. Everything seemed new to him, no familiar faces, and the place was unfamiliar as well. He darted around each hallway, looking for the exit. He couldn't remember entering the building.

Something vibrated in his pocket. He took it out and became more confused when he saw a phone. He didn't even remember having a phone! It was Natalie calling, his adopted mother. It stopped ringing and switched into voicemail.

_Hey, this is my voicemail; leave a message after the beep. BEEP._

_Natsume? It's your mom. One of your teachers called and was wondering about what happened to you in class. It's the first day, for Pete's sake. Wherever you are, I want you home in fifteen minutes._

He groaned. He knew he couldn't make it home in fifteen minutes, not when he didn't know where in the world he was. He checked the phone for a GPS, and fortunately found one. He sat down under the shade of a juniper tree and began searching in his bag. The bag's design was none of his liking, maybe Hitsomori was the one who bought it? There were two notebooks inside, one was containing class notes and the other one was filled with doodles and quotations. He ignored them and continued searching for something useful. He found a pencil case which was only filled with point 6b pencils and a fine point pen, he was actually hoping for a car key. Then an obvious realization struck him: even if he did find keys, it won't matter because he didn't know how to drive. He looked at his wrist to check the time and that was only when he noticed that there was a long stitched-up scar on his inner wrist. He contemplated if he tried killing himself, but he can't recall any memory of it.

He checked his other wrist if it also had the same scar, and it did. He must've faced some serious problems to think of killing himself.

When he finished searching his bag inside and out, his final recourse was to call his mom and tell her to fetch him up because there was no car key to be found in his bag or his pockets. Ten minutes later, he heard a screeching sound close by. He stood up and looked around wondering where the sound came from.

"Natsume, will you please tell me about what really happened in your Literature class?" Natalie asked as she drove back to their house. She became really worried of Natsume when the teacher called her about him suddenly in a trance and screaming 'get lost' at no one in particular, What made her more worried though was when he asked about where he was.

"I… I don't really know… everything was so hazy…" He answered. Natalie knew there was something wrong. Especially when Maria told her about Natsume's mood swings, and adding up his suicide attempts back in summer, she came to the conclusion that her son has a psychological problem.

They were silent for the rest of the drive. When they arrived home, Natalie instructed him to stay in his room. He conformed and just read his books. While waiting for his mother's call, he fell asleep…

* * *

><p>"I'm not psychologically ill! How many times should I tell you that?" his voice had risen a few octaves, Maria and Natalie were holding both his arms as they escorted him out of the car. It had been a week and a half after he found himself lost in the school grounds, it turned out that his mother made an appointment with Dr. Flynn. Natsume suddenly became rooted to where he was standing, his face was blank. Maria snapped her fingers in front of his face, and he didn't even blink. All out of a sudden he began wheezing and sweating, he also started shaking. Natalie knew what was happening, and it doesn't take one to be a nurse to know that the boy was having a panic attack.<p>

It wasn't time to panic…she thought and took a deep breath and placed her hand on his and told him to calm down, she told him that everything will be alright and once he calms down, they will drive back home. It took them several minutes for Natsume to finally calm down. "Natsume! You're not going to a psychiatric ward, okay? You're just going to _consult_ a psychiatrist!" His mother said, his eyes shot open and Natalie noticed that they were glassy; like the eyes of the seven-year old Natsume from the abbey.

"Really, then tell me why you were holding me like I will be bound in a strait jacket?" His voice was dripping with acid that made Natalie want to slap him, but thought against it.

"If you admitted that you are psychologically ill and just get on with the consultation or the sessions that may follow, maybe we wouldn't have held you that way." Natalie replied and tried to help her son to stand up. Natsume ignored her and stood up on his own, he glared at the women.

* * *

><p>"I'm not psychologically ill."<p>

"Maybe that's why you're here, because you're _not_ psychologically ill?" Dr. Flynn suggested. He knew too well why some of his patients deny the obvious.

"I'm only here to prove to everyone that I'm not," Natsume said, he looked away from Dr. Flynn and faced the window, his eyes were blank. The doctor sighed.

"Well if that's how it is, let's get on with this then." He said and took out his papers. There was a brief silence around them…

"First, how do you feel?"

"We feel fine…"

"So… do you know why your parents brought you here?" Dr. Flynn asked, he checked his recorder if he was able to record everything from the start.

"Yes. It was when Natsume called and asked them to fetch him from school because he found himself lost." Natsume answered smoothly, Dr. Flynn was puzzled at how the boy talks; at first he was talking in singular first person, the next was plural first person and now he's talking in third person. He noted everything down.

"Do you know why Natsume found himself lost in the school campus?" Natsume bobbed his head.

"He said that he doesn't remember being there and in my opinion, he's being stupid for not checking Natsu's schedule because there's a map behind it…" Dr. Flynn noted the mentioning of another name in third person.

"Who's Natsu?"

"Natsu's the loner boy; he's very anti-social and emotionally weird. He had suicide attempts too, see?" He said as he showed the doctor the cuts on his wrists.

"Wait, who am I talking to?" Dr. Flynn asked. The boy shifted on his seat and paused for a short moment.

"Natsume had always been weak, that's why I swore that I'll kill those who hurt him. I'll kill you too if you don't stop harassing him." He answered tartly, his eyes were glassy again. Dr. Flynn noted this down as well.

"Okay… do you write?"

"What?" Natsume was puzzled by the question. Dr. Flynn took out a blank notebook and wrote Natsume's name at the back cover.

"Keep this and always write there. Keep it as your journal. Come by my office on Tuesday. Don't read anything in there; just write whatever you have in mind. You can write about how your day went." Dr. Flynn said as he handed him the journal.

* * *

><p><em>903/09_

_My name is Natsume Hyuuga. I was adopted twice. My first adoption was horrible and messed up. My second one was nice. They treat me as their own and I live happily now. However, I do experience flashbacks from my previous adoption and I just black out and remember nothing. I don't remember talking to a psychiatrist named Flynn, nor do I remember agreeing to write in this journal, but something told me that I should. I find it confusing when someone calls me Hatsume, but I always think that they must've followed Aoi's nickname for me. My day was pretty weird… I was at the mall with Aoi and some people were glaring at me as if I've done horrible things to them. Later_, a_ woman asked me about how I felt then asked how my mom was and kissed me on the cheeks. I was startled because I didn't even know her! I asked Aoi whose wallet she was holding and she told me that it was mine. I don't remember having that kind of wallet… I don't even remembering owning a wallet at all! _

* * *

><p><em>907/09_

_I am Hatsume. Don't get confused. I was told to write in this notebook by the meddling fool named Flynn, who doesn't experience enough entertainment that he resorted to dealing with my life. Today? It felt like crud. Everyone at school was staring at me so I told them to mind their own business or else I'll cut their fingers off…one by one. A brunette approached me and said, 'Natsume-kun, it's wrong to say or think of doing that to others… How would you feel if you were told the same thing?' I was surprised because I didn't know the girl. I told her that I've heard and felt worse than those and told her to mind her own business. That girl is delusional. She said she saw me talking to Ruka Nogi at the cafeteria earlier that morning. I told her that's stupid because first, I don't know who Ruka Nogi is and second, I wasn't at the cafeteria earlier that morning! I was at the…_

* * *

><p><em>915/09_

_I'm Natsu, although I do respond to the name Hatsume because everyone calls me that at home and sometimes at school and I always wonder why. But my mom calls me Natsume because she knows better. I prefer being alone, but this auburn haired girl won't leave me alone. She claims that I've been talking to her for the past week, but that's absurd because last week was when Natalie reported a sick leave for me and the whole family went on a trip at an island. I told her that everything she says doesn't link up with what I know. So I told her to leave me alone._

* * *

><p><em>919/09_

_I saw Natsume's name at the back cover so I figured that the psychiatrist must've told him to write here… My name is Natsuki. I know everyone who might write in this journal, and I do respond to Natsume's name. I've made a couple of good friends in the past and in fact, I am still in touch with two of them. Today, Ruka (my best friend and childhood friend) told me that I was acting weird the other day. I told him to just let it go and made up a lie telling him that I was not feeling well that day. I was in fact not myself that day. Mikan, the girl from my Literature class approached me and demanded that I should apologize to her for being rude. I did because I think I know the reason: I was not myself when the rudeness was present. I really wish we'd get along so I won't be so confused in class or at home…_

* * *

><p>"Have you read any of what you've written here?" Dr. Flynn asked, as he flipped from one page to another.<p>

"No. I only touched it once." Came Natsume's callous response, Dr. Flynn handed him the journal back and asked him to read it. Natsume did as asked and read the journal.

"Who in the world are Natsu and Natsuki?" Natsume asked once he finished reading. Dr. Flynn ignored the question and asked him to continue writing in the journal. He told the boy that from now on he should read and write everything. Natsume was mad. Not only was the psychiatrist meddling with him, but he was also toying with him!

"Those people who wrote in your journal are your other personas."

"Are you saying that I'm being possessed?"

"No, I'm saying that you have a psychological illness called _'dissociative identity disorder'_."

"Oh. And you think you could cure me?"

"No, I'm more of thinking that you could finally work with each persona as one person: Natsume."

"It's too late for that, we're already dissociated."

"It's never too late."

* * *

><p><strong>Me: Soo... there you go. It was supposed to be an entry for the DOMN but It didn't meet the requirements. Moreover, I was only able to finish this last September. :)<strong>

Comments and Suggestions are widely accepted.


End file.
